When Fox News Discovers India, Caste and Democracy Over Morning Coffee

There’s a peculiar amusement in watching an American television pundit stumble upon geopolitics much as a toddler might discover bubble wrap. Recently, a Fox News guest, in peak transatlantic frustration, managed to squeeze Narendra Modi, Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping, Indian democracy, and the Brahmin caste into a single, breathless monologue.

“Look, Modi’s a great leader. I don’t understand why he’s getting into bed with Putin and Xi Jinping when he’s the biggest democracy in the world. So I would just simply say to the Indian people: please, understand what’s going on here. You’ve got Brahmins profiteering at the expense of the Indian people. We need that to stop. Yeah, and we’ll be watching that closely.”

This statement deserves unpacking — with logic, satire, and a reminder that America is hardly the Vatican of democracy, and democracy is not a dating app.

First, let’s address the heartburn about Modi “getting into bed” with Putin and Xi. International relations are not Tinder dates. Nations don’t “swipe right” for ideological compatibility; they negotiate based on hard interests.

India buys Russian crude oil because it’s cheap, and low oil prices contain inflation for 1.4 billion people. It attends BRICS summits because it is prudent to be present in the room where the conversation is taking place. This isn’t romance; it’s arithmetic.

If America can embrace countries that aid terrorism, and dine with unelected military heads of a “democracy” and not with the elected ones, then perhaps it might spare India sermons on “biggest democracy, why are you sitting next to Xi at lunch?”

Democracy Lessons

Before Fox News explains democracy to India, it may want to revisit Bush v. Gore, the case that decided the 2000 US presidential election.

The world’s self-declared “oldest democracy” descended into chaos over hanging chads, butterfly ballots, and a state recount halted midway by judges in robes. Instead of voters, it was the Supreme Court that effectively selected George W. Bush as president. That was the American tradition of democracy in action.

Two decades later, the Capitol insurrection resembled less a constitutional republic than a bad reality show, with contestants dressed as Vikings storming the legislature. Yet we are still treated to lectures about what “the biggest democracy” should or should not do.

The Fox pundit then reached for the caste card: “You’ve got Brahmins profiteering at the expense of the Indian people.”

Here satire and logic must intervene. Indian foreign policy is not dictated by a secret Brahmin cabal huddled in the basement of South Block. Political power in India is contested daily across caste, class, and region.

Accusing Brahmins of profiteering in India is like accusing Puritans of controlling Wall Street in America. It’s lazy stereotyping masquerading as analysis. Wall Street bankers profiteering at the expense of everyday Americans are not part of some “Pilgrim caste conspiracy.” They are simply capitalists in pinstripes.

But why let accuracy get in the way of a juicy soundbite? It adds a bit of exotic spice, much like invoking “karma” whenever you talk about yoga mats.

That American commentators can take the moral high ground on profiteering is… quite literally, rich. Pundits in million-dollar studios, funded by ad dollars from defence contractors, oil giants, and Big Pharma, preaching about profiteering is performance art of the highest order.

Consider the Iraq War, justified with the claim of weapons of mass destruction, which never existed. What did emerge were defence contractors pocketing billions, while ordinary Iraqis and American taxpayers footed the bill. If that isn’t profiteering, perhaps the dictionary needs to be rewritten.

So, when the Fox News commentator says, “We’ll be watching closely,” one is tempted to respond: “thank you, but this isn’t an episode of Keeping Up with the Kennedys.”  India doesn’t need a chaperone to attend summits, nor does it need a morality lecture from a country where lobbyists practically write legislation.

Strategic Balance

The truth is simple: India is hedging. It is balancing ties with Washington, Moscow, and Beijing, not out of sentimentality but survival. Unlike America, India shares a 3,488-kilometre border with China, not just a trade deficit. Unlike Europe, it can’t cut off Russian oil without risking blackouts. Unlike Fox News, India doesn’t live in a binary world of heroes and villains. We are talking about geopolitics, not gospel.

If India sits with Putin and Xi at BRICS, it’s not through matrimony but pragmatism. In a multipolar world, no nation can afford to lock itself into one club. That’s why India simultaneously hosts U.S. defence exercises, buys French fighter jets, and signs Quad statements with Japan and Australia. Call it pragmatism, call it realpolitik, call it adulthood.

More importantly, India must resist the temptation to respond to every outburst. Responding to such outbursts only elevates their ill-informed rants into international headlines.

Silence, on the other hand, denies them oxygen. India gains nothing by entering into a tit-for-tat with every commentator who discovers caste in a Wikipedia footnote. If anything, counter-rhetoric risks projecting insecurity.

Consider China’s approach. When minor Western politicians rant about Taiwan or Tibet, Beijing often stays silent, reserving its voice for moments that matter strategically. India would do well to borrow that playbook: let Fox bark, while Delhi walks its course.

So, dear Fox pundit, thank you for your unsolicited advice. India will continue to act in its own interests — whether that means buying Russian oil, attending BRICS meetings, or signing nuclear deals with the U.S.

India is not awaiting Fox News approval ratings to chart its foreign policy. And the next time America threatens to “watch closely,” remember that India has already watched Bush v. Gore, the Capitol riots, and the Iraq War. We know exactly what Western lectures on democracy are worth.

India will nod politely, chuckle at the misplaced outrage, and go back to business: buying oil, negotiating trade, and playing chess on the global board. Meanwhile, America can continue its favourite pastime — moralising abroad while litigating democracy at home.

By all means, keep watching India closely. We’ll be here, busy being the “biggest democracy”, without seeking permission slips.